Dear Otterbox
Podcaster, life streamer, and long time friend Jessica Mullen has a few things she wants her broken Otterbox to know:
Dear Otterbox,I can't believe it's over, just like that. One day, things are going fine. Sure, you're dirty, but I always know you're clean on the inside (cream on the outside?). Then you start changing. Falling apart. Losing pieces of your self. Your cute little rubber port protector flaps, it almost seems like you have that disorder where you want to be an amputee. Then one day (at the beach no less), I discover a chunk of your skeleton is gone forever. Maybe I was too rough with you. But you begged for it! I could drop you from the top of the fridge and you liked it. Yeah, your rubber started getting a tiny bit stretched out. But your delicious skin was the most comforting fidget device I didn't realize I needed so bad.
My new case is a bitch, total rebound case. She has like, zero traction. You always stayed firmly connected to the surface you were on, this CapsuleRebel slides around like a floozy. A floozy with oozing sores on her plastic peeling face. Did I mention her face was self-adhesive?! Christ, I want a sturdy case because I'm clumsy! Do you really think I can get that sticker on straight, sans cat litter?!
Otterbox, I think we should give us another chance. I feel lost and vulnerable without you ...and your bulk.
Take care of yourself ok? Get that crack patched up and maybe we can talk.
Devoted love,
Jessicaps. didn't you say you had a sister? a PINK one?
In the 2 years I've been sporting Otterbox cases my evangelical wiles have seen no less than 8 converts to this ruggedized religion. While several of my ilk inhabit harsh, unforgiving climes (there are 4 such cases not 20 feet from where I am typing) it was Jessica that was able to utterly destroy what I previously marked as indestructible.
The product's finer points are addressed above, and I'll maintain that the latest case design remains a sound buffer between my iPhone and the super-heated talcum-powder dust bath it's exposed to every day. Aside from a change in the belt clip between 2G and 3G/3GS models there is little room for improvement for those seeking a stout protection for their most often used gadgets.
Suggestions should be made, however, to the folks over in R&D at Otterbox. Forget military contractors in Iraq or Afghanistan when stress testing, seek out instead Austin-based super users like Jessica to see if your gear can stand up to trials of real rigor.
