posted by Qais on March 18, 2008 10:39 AM in Games, Geek Culture
In 1989 there was a brief lived show called The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! featuring Lou Albano as Mario. For whatever reason, I could never get over the fact that DIC (a company whose name I found hilarious as a kid) cast some nearly washed up wrestler as Mario. Lou Albano was OK I guess, but he didn't really look like Mario to me, something just didn't jive.
Now I know what was missing, what vital component my live action Mario experience was lacking; it was complete and total horror. The rendition of Mario above as "real" is fairly accurate when you think about it. Mario is a short little goblin-man with freakishly disproportionate eyes, nose, and moustache. He is nothing but a horrible mutant with the warped frame of mind that inclines one to eat mushrooms and random plant life, both things bound to put a semi-permanent five o' clock shadow on your face and a cracked expression in your eyes.
If The Super Mario Bros. Super Show! was redone with this Mario rather than an aging, out of work actor-cum-wrestler, you can bet your ass I'd be parked in front of my TV every Saturday morning, Princess Peach footy pajamas and all.
[Via NotCot]
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posted by Qais on October 17, 2007 4:37 PM in Games
It's a fairly well known fact that one of the favorite movies over here at Chez Geek is Steel Magnolias. Every time Shelby can't drink her juice Furniss and I hold each other and sob uncontrollably. However there's only so many times you can watch that kind of thing in a day without risking permanent damage to your tear ducts. So when we need an uplifting cinematic break it's always Dirty Dancing that we turn to.
Imagine my wonderment at discovering that there would be a game version of Dirty Dancing coming out soonish. I nearly lost control of all my bodily functions and wept golden tears from which tiny white flowers sprung as they hit the ground. I am that excited.
Granted, being excited about the game port of one of your favorite saucy dancing-centric movies is to be expected. But you see my excitement springs from a level of debasement and horrific fantasy the likes of which most men would weep before. My logic is as follows: any game developer made to work on Dirty Dancing: The Game will almost immediately turn to thoughts of suicide, there is simply no way to do justice to a film that is easily 2nd to one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces of our time (Steel Magnolias). Death is the only honorable solution. Realizing that his meager salary is the only thing feeding his nearly starving children he sees the error of his ways and attempts to recreate one of the best scenes in the movie, the post-abortion scene. Touching, heartfelt, and the moment at which Swayze reveals himself to be a conflicted but caring dance instructor, something I'm sure we can all agree touched our hearts.
Do you see where I'm going?
Yes there are dancing mini-games, and yes there are card games in which you inexplicably shuffle notable Jews from the movie around, but the latest video showing game play hasn't revealed I'm sure will be the crown jewel of this of yet to be born masterpiece. The wire hanger abortion mini-game. If you aren't absolutely thrilled at the prospect of mangling a uterus with a rusty coat hanger in a perverse pantomime of the scene we never saw then you are reading the wrong site my friends. Bet your bottom dollar that I will be in line with the rest of the Geeks come release day, cash in hand and a sick lust to act out my juvenile fantasies of being swung around by Patrick Swayze and never being put in a corner.
via Joystiq
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posted by Qais on October 5, 2007 12:56 PM in Games
Sony has finally confirmed the rumors of a price drop and 40 Gig PS3. Expected to be out for the consumerism driven winter holiday of your choosing, the 40 Gig PS3 is not what you might have expected. Sony's newest hardware offerings are lacking in the extreme. Granted, it's been priced at £299 (with no North American pricing details confirmed as of yet) but that drop in pricing comes with a cost. Not only are there only 2 USB ports and a missing multi-memory card port but backwards compatibility has been completely abandoned.
Regarding the decision to drop backwards compatibility for the 40 Gig version SCEE was quoted thus:
"both the reduced emphasis placed on this feature amongst later purchasers of PS3, as well as the availability of a more extensive line-up of PS3 specific titles (a total of 65 titles across all genres by Christmas)."
I'm curious how many people will actually be enticed into buying the 40 Gig model with the promise of new games when they can't play their old ones.
I've said multiple times that a significant price drop for the PS3 might entice me to finally buy one, but given the lack of backwards compatibility I'm still holding out. Granted, there may eventually be a game that finally gets me to plunk my hard earned dollars down but so far I'm not impressed and the news of a price drop just isn't enough to distract me from what amounts to essentially a brand new console.
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posted by Qais on October 4, 2007 3:06 PM in Games, Geek Culture, Movies
The Princess Bride is easily one of the most influential movies of my childhood. I wore out 2 tapes before I grew out of watching the damn thing on repeat and could produce quotes from the movie on demand, if I were inclined to giving into ridiculous demands. I'm sure that many of you have a similar story and share my affinity for The Princess Bride. I'm equally sure that very few if any of you ever wondered "Why haven't they made a video game out of this?". Donning a bath towel and recklessly swinging a broom handle in imitation of Westley had always been enough, get me liquored up enough and I'm likely to put on a repeat performance of my childhood imaginings. In short, I don't want to play a Princess Bride game, but I also didn't want a new Transformers movie and we all know how well that worked out.
In spite of my misgivings and caterwauling Worldwide Biggies, a small company few of us at The Geek have heard of, is bringing a Princess Bride game to the table. A teaser for the game will be released on "The Princess Bride 20th Anniversary DVD," which I'm sure you're all anxiously anticipating with nail biting impatience, and the full game can be expected in the spring as a download. Apparently Worldwide Biggies thinks this has real potential to tap the casual gaming market, specifically women.
Before you start writing angry letters for me to ignore, I'm equally confused by the classification of women as casual gamers. Most of the women I know are twice the gamer I'll ever be (and take pleasure in reminding me of my inadequacy) and would be just as disgusted at a Princess Bride game as I am. Now if Worldwide Biggies meant "doltish mouth breathing morons" in their classification of "casual gamer" (an easy enough typo, the keys are right next to each other) then I'm apt to agree that this game will indeed appeal to casual gamers.
I just have one request, can we please stop with the casual rape of my childhood? I only have so many happy memories left.
Editor's note: you can also download Princess Bride on iTunes as of today! --Chris
Or you can pre-order The Princess Bride (20th Anniversary Edition) at our store and support the site!
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posted by Chris on February 22, 2007 10:11 AM in Games
The always hilarious Drew from Toothpaste for Dinner (Weekly Geek interview here) took the plunge and tried playing Second Life. For those of you who don't know, Second Life is like Everquest without the quest. It's almost like a giant chat room where people go to have puppet sex. From his writeup:
Yesterday I downloaded something called Second Life. It is like Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, except you can't shoot anyone, and you can't hit people. You just walk around. There are no prostitutes, and everything costs real money, and you can't rob anyone to get money. You have to use your credit card, with real money, to buy fake money to use in the game. It's not actually like Grand Theft Auto at all.
Second Life is free to play, and I keep seeing people referring to it in the news, so I had to take one for the team and just dive on in. I knew it probably wasn't going to be intriguing when I got to the signup part and couldn't even make a one-word name. I had to use some fantasy-ass last name and I couldn't even use cusses. The best I could do was call myself Wenis.
Wenis Swindlehurst: How do I hit people
Foxbrand Leprechaun: You can't
Wenis Swindlehurst: I need that shit you drive.
My character came pre-loaded as a "cybergoth". Most people I saw in the game, jerkily wandering around, also had fantasy-ass names. They also had fantasy asses. Perfect, round fantasy asses. Which left me with only one choice: I had to become what they were not.
I imagine I would have the same experience, were I to take the plunge. I have avoided playing Second Life for this very reason. It looks horrible, and the community looks like all the stupid BBS cosplay LARP crap that I thought was so lame back in high school. He makes the point that everything was like a preteen's idea of sex. It seems like a place for emotionally stunted or immature people to gather and try to feel important. I don't need that. I'll go play fun games, thanks.
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